So many people have been recruited into Parliament’s complaints body so that it can cope with the colossal workload it is now a major employer in the UK.
The investigation into Gavin Williamson’s messages is just the latest in a very long line of cases. In fact, if you’re reading this, chances are you work for Parliament’s Independent Complaints and Grievances System (ICGS).
“ICGS is now officially the largest employer in the UK,” said the body’s head, Simon Williams.
“It’s bigger than the NHS, bigger than Tesco and bigger than the BBC.
“Its enormous size is simply due to the sheer volume of misconduct among MPs, whether it be bullying, sexual harassment or physical violence.
“We have a dedicated team of thousands of people who only deal with MPs who have watched hardcore pornography in Parliament.
“Our new WhatsApp department – which reviews abusive messages, dick pics etc. – now employs literally everyone in Swindon after we opened an office there last month.
“But by far the biggest workload comes from the Home Office. It’s nearly impossible to keep up with the constant stream of intimidation, security breaches, and vile, abusive language coming out of this place. Even changing the Minister of the Interior does not seem to make a difference.
“Anyway, I might as well take this opportunity to announce a terrific new role for someone looking for a challenge and with a particularly strong stomach – Deputy Director of Oral Sex in Government Buildings .”